My generation has lost the ability to date in real life. Dating apps aren’t helping

My dating app experiences haven’t been great. There have been ghosters and time-wasters and people who seemed fun over text but couldn’t hold a conversation in person.

One went on a date with a guy who told her he was planning to write his PhD thesis on “the philosophy of woman” but somehow didn’t notice that he had been explaining it for 30 minutes without letting the woman across from him speak.

Another girl went on a date with someone who made her do their laundry, and pay for it. They claimed they had a new debit card that didn’t work and hadn’t been able to do their laundry for two weeks as a result.

And one friend experienced “Hinge-cest”, where she and all her friends had ended up dating the same men. There are “Hinge celebrities” who have gone on so many dates that their reputation precedes them.

Sounds like the ideal environment for meeting the love of your life, right?

Despite the technology’s poor reputation, it feels like everyone my age is on the apps. However, I only know a handful who have actually ended up in relationships with people they met online. Most, after weeks or months of scrolling, texting and going on dates, become frustrated and delete the app. And then, after failing to meet someone in real life, they re-download it.

So why are so many young people using dating apps if they don’t work? I believe it’s because my generation doesn’t know how to date in person.

Gen Z spent some of its formative dating and socialising years in lockdown, and we’ve grown up communicating over the internet. So it makes sense that this has had a lingering effect.

Dating apps seem to offer an easy way out. I do find it easier to speak to a new person online; shyness and awkwardness don’t come across over text. And perhaps most importantly, online rejection is far less humiliating.

But our dependence on dating apps might be making dating harder for us.

The idea that everyone is on Hinge has made making a move in person a completely foreign idea. Gen Z has lost the willingness to take a chance and just ask someone out, which dating has always relied on.

The gamification of dating makes us view it as a lazy activity – something we can do without leaving our bedrooms.

What’s worse is the horrible culture fostered by these apps. Ghosting people and talking to more than 10 people at once are considered normal. It’s no wonder users seem to forget they’re interacting with real humans. Similarly, your entire judgment of someone is based on a few photos.

None of this is conducive to genuine connection. It’s a tick-box model of dating, where you reject anyone who doesn’t fit your “ideal partner” criteria based on their photo and a few titbits of information. All this does is teach us to how to market ourselves to please other people and relentlessly judge others.