From ‘faster, higher stronger’ to ‘bolder, shorter, louder’ – athletics takes a great leap

The black cat analogy wittily describes the differences between religion and science.

Philosophy, thus, is like being in a dark room looking for a black cat. Metaphysics is being in a dark room looking for a black cat that isn’t there, while theology is being in a dark room looking for a black cat that isn’t there and shouting, “I’ve found it”.

Sport, as a modern religion, has this week joined the analogous spectrum, coming in after metaphysicians. Sports administrators are blind people in a dark room looking for a black cat that might or might not be there but figure if they make themselves smaller and use TikTok the cat will come to them.

This week against the backdrop of the NFL – America’s biggest, brashest sport – liberating a new foreign land, other sports were wondering how they got bigger, brasher and brassier? But mainly bigger. It can’t be all Tay Tay and Travis Kelce.

New national tennis honcho Andrew Abdo floated the idea of cutting early matches at the Australian Open back to three sets, an idea quickly put back in the bottle by Tennis Australia. Abdo is a former NRL guy. The organisation he now leads runs the Australian Open, which these days has so many people queuing to get in they’ve stretched it out over even more days. Abdo wouldn’t be the first administrator to suggest more event, less sport.

New AFL chairman Craig Drummond has leafed through the same sport marketing playbook. Footy with a new Tassie team coming in will mean a longer season. They could have a shorter one (as if) and play each other once. That would satisfy integrity concerns over a compromised fixture. But they won’t do that. They’ll schedule more games but make them shorter.

Then Cricket Australia this week decided its shortest version T20, introduced as the panacea for Test cricket’s shortcomings, or longcomings as it turns out, was so good they would invite private owners to spend their millions on Big Bash League teams.

England cricket, meanwhile, had previously decided that making cricket shorter was such an effective ploy they would double down and make it shorter still. They introduced The Hundred. It goes for 100 balls. If they could distil it to an over and run it as an ad break they might. T20 was soooo long and boring. This in a country where Great Rail Journeys vies with Midsomer Murders for entertainment.

Which brings us to this weekend in Hungary. Athletics, a sport that has to scream to be heard outside of the Olympics every four years and, at a pinch, during the bi-annual World Championships, has sallied forth into this brave new world of reinvention.

On Friday in Budapest, the inaugural World Athletics Ultimate Championship was launched. It’s a title that sounds like it’s aimed at the professional wrestling market.

The event is a drastically cut-back, invitation-only all-stars version of the World Championships.

Essentially, it’s an abridged major competition to fill a hole in the calendar in the off-years when there are no World Championships. But it looks nothing like a regular championship.

Firstly, it goes for three night sessions of three hours each, instead of nine days of morning and night sessions.