When passengers behave badly on planes, I speak up

Are you the kind of flyer who feels it’s impolite not to watch the flight attendant when they’re doing their security drill? I am.

Even though I’ve seen the routine thousands of times, it never varies, and I’d really rather keep reading my book, I think it’s rude to look away when crew are performing their major gig of the flight. I think of them as stand-up comedians. Imagine if you were on stage at a club delivering your best, well-honed jokes and no one looked at you?

Perhaps the flight attendants don’t care, although I’ve seen the occasional one get snappy with a disengaged audience. It’s a safety issue after all. Maybe they need better material or a singalong, but it’s not that hard to look interested, even if you tune out a bit because it’s all so familiar.

This is one of the small questions of etiquette that arise for travellers as we negotiate the often-fraught world of queues, fellow passengers and officialdom. I think of us as a team of strangers, especially when crammed together on a plane. One misbehaves and it throws the whole game off.

Most of us would like it all to go smoothly, so we obey the rules. But there are more subtle acts and signals that keep the teamwork well-oiled. That’s etiquette.

The latest travel news, tips and inspiration delivered to your inbox. Sign up now.

I’ve experienced the most egregious cases of bad manners on planes. In the past year: people talking loudly into their speakerphone. Children watching cartoons on iPads without headphones. The person next to me manspreading his big feet into my footwell. A woman across the aisle giving herself a pedicure.

The girl in the seat in front dangling her long hair over my video screen. The bare feet from the person behind pushing through the gap in my seat. The child behind kicking my seat relentlessly. People leaving me, a stranger, in charge of their child. People who don’t wash or bring smelly food onto the plane. People insisting you change seats for them.

Late arrivals on the flight moving my carry-on from the overhead locker to one further along, so their luggage can fit. Queue jumpers. Carousel blockers. Loud talkers when everyone is trying to sleep. Ditherers at security checks who have brought the contents of their kitchen with them, none of which is permitted through the scanner.

The list goes on. They’re small irritants, but if you get a few of these on one leg of a trip, it can ruffle your equilibrium. I try not to be outraged because we’re in a culture that encourages outrage about every little thing. In fact, I am outraged, that people can be so thoughtless of others.

I’m not sure people are ruder these days, although selfishness and boorishness are on display everywhere, including among our public figures. I do suspect, though, that there are increased numbers of people who lack empathy and are clueless that another human being might have feelings of their own.

Often, these acts of thoughtlessness are unintentional.