Women have changed. Why are men struggling to keep up?

I’m at the markets and a couple we’ve known for ages are desperate to talk Sydney Swans . As is just about everyone we meet.

He speculates, and I paraphrase: Sex work/adult entertainment are dangerous jobs, and she didn’t manage her risk appropriately. She says: They should all be chemically castrated. And this, my friends, is where we are at. In 2026. While no charges have been laid and the police are still investigating, the bloke is claiming it’s the responsibility of the women at the centre of the case. The woman recognises who is really at fault.

I talk endlessly to friends, to family. And men keep telling me they were saved from “dickhead” values by their bolshie partners. This, of course, puts the responsibility on women again.

There were no women present, as far as I can see, at a Tigers’ Mad Monday celebration at the Garfield Hotel in Gippsland, where several Richmond players were drinking and striking one another with belts. Young midfielder Josh Smillie pulls down his pants and feigns shock as he’s belted on the backside by a teammate. After the fourth slap he reacts differently, maybe a recreation of allegations that the adult entertainer wasn’t too pleased she’d been asked to do more than she’d been paid for. I’d love to see how these blokes would act if that happened to them. Mind you, it’s clear some footy players appear to do much less than they’ve been paid for.

Let me say this, I’ve had a few happy successes in my life. But not once, in the wake of these events, did I ever hire an adult entertainer to celebrate with me. I didn’t stay up all night. Yes, I wrote an award-winning PhD, well, runner-up really, which left me too exhausted for that lark. Yeah, I’m bragging. I had a few glasses of a fancy red wine and a choccy or two. But the event itself didn’t cause me to lose my mind and my regular behaviour.

Even as I write that, it seems ludicrous. No-one would imagine that a woman my age would do those things. Or, really, most women of any age. Even if we wanted to, the fear of being found out would stop us. And of course, some men are also lovely human beings who would prefer to celebrate with their actual partners. These Swans were having a big blowout because they beat Essendon, a totally predictable result. Second placed whacks second last. Big whoop. Want something to celebrate? Try winning a flag.

What do women want? Room service, robes, a long uninterrupted shower and an early night, because that’s our idea of a good time when it’s a break from the multiple competing priorities in our daily lives.

After the week we’ve had – the murders, the alleged sexual assaults in laneways by kids who should still be living their innocent lives, the accusations against the Swans, the schools – we know this. We’ve interrogated all the institutions – the sporting clubs, business and corporate culture, yes, schools and universities. But we haven’t interrogated the most influential institution in our lives – the family and the people in it. Change is happening way too slowly. Men have been doing all of those things for eternity.