Everyone in my office gets free lunch, except me. How is that fair?

Each week Dr Kirstin Ferguson tackles questions about workplace, career and leadership in her advice column Got a Minute? This week: a gluten-free nightmare, a nosy desk-neighbour and regret over a missed promotion.

I started a new role in a small company which has numerous team lunches. I am gluten intolerant and advised them of this at my interview. I attended my first team lunch last week, which was a BBQ, and was informed that since I was the only staff member with “food issues” I had to bring my own bread, sausage and anything else I wanted to eat, as the company was not going to wear the cost of buying food items for just one staff member. Sometimes the staff team lunch is pizza or Subway, but I will have to bring my gluten-free lunch in while everyone else gets a free meal. It has become a really awkward issue that I am so angry about. I want to walk out.

I can completely understand your frustration. This isn’t really about the cost of a loaf of gluten-free bread; it’s about whether you feel included. It is a seemingly small issue that has a big impact. Employers don’t have to provide free lunches, but once they choose to do so, excluding one employee because of a dietary restriction is poor practice and, depending on the circumstances, may raise discrimination issues.

Rather than walking out, have a calm conversation with your manager. Explain that you’re not asking for expensive alternatives, only to be included on the same basis as everyone else. A loaf of gluten-free bread costs very little compared with the message it sends you, and any future employees with food intolerances, when left to fend for themselves.

I started a new job in a small office. A lady in a more junior role, who has been there for a few years, sits directly behind me and literally watches what I do all day and comments. She asks me what I am working on, when will I finish this or that, asks me when I am having lunch, and even if I am trying to find a folder on the server. This goes on all day from 9am to 5pm, and I am over it. Is this a form of workplace bullying? My boss cannot move me as there is no room. The lady listens in to all of my calls to and comments or talks over me advising me what to say or to pass the phone to her. She listens in to my personal calls too and asks me questions. I want to go on stress leave before I have a nervous breakdown.

It sounds like you need to try and set some clear boundaries with your coworker. I can understand why you feel exhausted, and I suspect I would have lost by cool by the end of the first week, if not the first day of this kind of micromanaging busybody.

The next time she interrupts or questions what you’re doing, politely say, “I need to concentrate on this, so I’ll let you know if I need your help.” Repeat it consistently. If she comments on personal calls, tell her you’d prefer to keep those conversations private. Be calm, respectful but direct. Let her know that what she thinks might be helpful and friendly is making it hard for you to work.

If the behaviour continues, document every example and discuss the issue with your manager.