My daughter wanted to be a nepo baby. I didn’t hire her, now she won’t talk to me

Each week Dr Kirstin Ferguson tackles questions about workplace, career and leadership in her advice column Got a Minute? This week: putting a stop to nepotism, a morning quiz and job-hunting at 62.

My adult daughter won’t speak to me after I hired someone else to work in the business I run. She assumed she’d automatically get a job with me after university, but I hired a more experienced candidate for the opening that came up. The whole thing has caused a real rift in our relationship. I know I did the right thing as a boss, but as a mother I feel terrible about the impact it has had. How do you balance both?

You definitely made the right decision for your business, which deserves the strongest candidate, and not someone chosen simply because you are related. Favouring family at the expense of fairness rarely ends well for anyone.

You would also know that sometimes being a good parent means disappointing your child. What matters is helping her to understand one missed opportunity doesn’t define either her career or your relationship. In retrospect, it may have been more helpful to establish the expectation very early with your daughter that she would never get a job automatically – with you or any hiring manager. Gaining employment is a privilege she will need to work for like anyone else, and I think you will be able to help her in future by reviewing her resume, suggesting vacancies (in other businesses) as they come up, and being her biggest cheerleader when she scores her dream job.

With time and maturity, I am sure your daughter will come to understand you did what you needed to do. Not just as a professional, but also as a mother.

We have a new manager who makes a point of going to every person’s desk each morning with a notebook and pen and asks, “What are you working on today, what do you hope to achieve, and what didn’t you finish yesterday?” He makes notes, but does not offer any advice, assistance or comments, then goes to the next person. We have a very open office plan so it puts the team members on the spot with having to come up with answers quickly and the whole team can hear the conversations. We absolutely dread this time of the morning. Staff are starting to get very stressed with not knowing what he does with his notes. It feels as if we have to justify our roles every day, and as if the company is considering redundancies. He is not the most approachable person. We don’t have an HR manager. What should we do?

Rather than assume the worst, I wonder whether your manager may genuinely be trying to engage with you and understand what everyone is working on, but is doing so in a completely misguided way. I suspect he has no idea of the impact he is having on trust and culture. He doesn’t sound as if he has much emotional intelligence or self-awareness and is completely unaware of the discomfort he causes.

The uncertainty about why the questions are being asked is almost certainly contributing more to the team’s anxiety than the questions themselves. Rather than speculating, someone needs to ask him what the morning routine is all about.

If no one feels comfortable doing it alone, consider approaching him as a group.