How this Sydney private school asked students to help solve the consent crisis

One glance up from her desk reminds principal Julie McGonigle of the utter destruction caused by unchecked gendered stereotypes and violence.

On her wall hangs a circle of eucalyptus leaves painted blue, an artwork created on the day sports coach Lilie James was murdered by a colleague and former boyfriend inside the toilets of St Andrew’s Cathedral School in 2023. A twin work in pink hangs in James’ childhood bedroom. It symbolises the circle of support that comes after tragedy.

It’s a stark reminder that violence against women starts small: tracking location on Snapchat. A sexist joke on Instagram. They may seem like low-level infractions, but this school has seen first-hand where they can lead.

It is a crisis echoing across the city. Following a series of sexual assaults by students in Sydney schools, including Scots College, educators and parents are rethinking their approach to respectful relationships, while advocates have called for greater control over social media algorithms.

In the aftermath of the tragedy, McGonigle commissioned a review of international best practice on respectful relationships education and prevention of gender-based violence. The research stressed that schools must design their responses with students.

Students must feel safe to have open conversations about difficult topics such as coercive control, pornography and relationships.

“Their lived experience now makes them part of the solution because they have seen first-hand the pure devastation that is caused,” McGonigle said.

She formed a panel of experts including student representatives who meet quarterly to discuss coercive control, relationships, pornography and harmful online content. Year 12 students Ruby Buckman and Lachlan Sparshott both sit on that panel as representatives of the student body, helping to shape what respectful relationships education looks like in classrooms.

Ruby said the school’s inclusive approach meant education should be created “with young people, not just for them”, so students feel ownership and are more likely to engage.

Lachlan said the school has become more open. “It opened up a conversation where people feel very comfortable amidst friends, teachers and parents to talk about these topics.”

At St Andrew’s, students are explicitly taught to recognise patterns of coercive control and technology-facilitated abuse, such as tracking one another on Snapchat. Students are pushed to think critically about online content.

In a letter to students sent after the conclusion of the coronial inquest into James’ death, McGonigle issued explicit advice.

“Small things matter – sexist jokes and unwanted comments are not harmless ‘banter’. Call it out, interrupt it, seek support so that a harmful culture doesn’t develop,” McGonigle wrote in a letter to students.