Column | Don’t hate on NRIs

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Dear readers, first of all let me apologise for my recent silence. If my calculations are correct, we have not had one of our conversations for about a month or so. For unavoidable technical reasons, I was not able to send my column on time last month. And for this, I am truly sorry.

Rest assured that, in the future, this writer will make every effort to avoid such intransigence.

The inspiration for this fortnight’s dispatch comes from my trip to Bengaluru last month. I was invited to an evening of food and beverages by a group of local friends. As the evening progressed, and as beverages were consumed with gay abandon, we began to discuss, as all men of a certain age do, the future of India.

Overall, we agreed that the future of India is bright. And even if there are temporary challenges, the creativity and energy of our youths will save us. Everyone agreed and we had another beverage.

And then this one fellow leaned over and said: “I think the future of Kerala is doomed. Also, Tamil Nadu is finished. And don’t even get me started about Andhra Pradesh. Totally hopeless.”

Excuse me, I replied, but you just agreed that the future of India is very bright. And now you are telling me that every single State in India is doomed except your personal State? He immediately told me to shut up and not make any comments because it is easy for NRIs to sit in AC rooms and pass comments about India.

‘Woman Holding a Fan’ by Raja Ravi Varma. | Photo Credit: Wikimedia Commons

Friends, first of all, most of us NRIs in the U.K. have no air conditioning whatsoever. In fact, the situation here is absolutely horrible. Right now, at this very moment, I am surrounded by at least half a dozen potted plants that are clinging to life by the finest thread. Sweat is pouring down my face like one of those fountains outside an Indian airport that is like a huge coffin gently overflowing with water. In fact, it is so hot that my computer is barely functioning. I have two pedestal fans and both of them are pointed directly at my face. The impact is one big fat zero. I am dying.

Secondly, my meeting in Bengaluru reminds me of one of the more interesting things about Indian patriotism. Not everyone’s patriotism, of course. But some people’s conception of Indian patriotism.

These people are very funny. If you ask them which is the best country in the world, they will immediately say India. But if you ask them which is the best State in India, they will say that their State is the best, and that every other State is absolutely useless and totally hopeless.

It does not end here. If you ask these people about their State, then things get even more interesting. They will say that their district is the best, and all other districts are useless, hopeless, lawless or godless.

And we can go on and on. They will go from district to taluk to block to panchayat to gram to their own house.

Essentially, they are saying that India is the greatest country in the world because of their house, district or State.