'Happily married... but I worry we don’t have enough sex'

My husband and I are both in our early 30s and got married two years ago. I have a nagging worry, though, which is that we only have sex once or twice a month. This appears to work perfectly fine for us, but it doesn’t seem normal when I hear my friends talking about their love lives.

I feel we’re compatible and our marriage is good, but if we’re having sex this infrequently now, what’s it going to be like in 10 years’ time? Do you think this is something we need to talk about?

I also think we’d both like to have a family, but it would probably be a good idea to up the number of times we have sex to give ourselves the best chance.

Honestly, I just don’t believe either of us has particularly high sex drives and it’s not our main reason for being together. We’re in love and share lots of the same interests and values, and that’s what really connects us. We’re happy and close, so I think those things are more important.

But are we weird compared to everyone else and do we need to talk about sex?

You’re not weird at all, you’ve just been rattled by what your friends are saying. The fact is, if you’re both happy with how things are, you have to stop comparing yourself to your mates.

Firstly, they might be talking a load of rubbish (just because they’re saying it, doesn’t mean they’re doing it) and, secondly, even if they are having tons more sex than you are, they might not have the same connection with their husbands that you have with yours. Thirdly, who cares?

Look, I think if it was really bothering you or your husband, then yes have the discussion. But you could also talk about it in the context of having a baby, which might feel more natural. Are you going to get serious about trying?

If so, then it makes sense to have a bit of a plan and track your cycle, so you know when you’re most fertile. Talk about how you each feel about that and it might lead on to a bigger conversation. Often, the more you have sex, the more you want to have it.

But please don’t question your relationship simply because it’s not like your friends’ relationships. Every couple is different and as long as you and your husband are both happy and on the same page, that’s the main thing.

A lot of the stress we feel comes from trying to control situations that were never ours to control. Focus on the things in your life that are within your power to control and don’t overthink the rest.