'So confused about my male best mate after our sexy kiss'

I think I’ve developed feelings for my male best friend and don’t know what to do for the best. We’re both in our 20s and have been friends since secondary school, although we first met when we were eight and hated each other.

He was always doing mean things like hiding my stuff and making fun of me, and I constantly got him into trouble with teachers. But as teenagers we really connected and have been close ever since.

He helped me through a bad break-up and was there for me when my dad died. If I’m honest, I’ve always had a little crush on him – he was always cool and popular at school, and very good-looking and we have kissed a couple of times over the years after a few drinks, but never had sex and neither of us has made a move to take it further.

Then the other night when we were out together, we ended up having a kiss, but this time it felt different – really hot and sexy. He was paying me lots of lovely compliments and now I’m really confused.

I don’t have the confidence to act on it, though – I feel like that nerdy schoolgirl again and he’s the popular kid. Also, I worry that if anything did happen between us and it didn’t work out, our friendship would be over. What do you think?

It does feel like you’re holding on to those roles you had as kids and that the friendship needs to be more evenly balanced and reflect where you both are now in your lives. So, if a kiss happens again – or feels like it’s about to happen – stop and say something like, “What’s going on here? We’re not kids any more”.

I think if you’re not careful, it could drift into a “friends with benefits” situation, which might work for him, but is that something you’d be happy with?

You need to have a straightforward conversation about how you each feel and where this friendship is heading. Was that last kiss just a continuation of something you’ve always done after a few drinks or is there more to it?

If you did end up in a romantic relationship with your friend and it didn’t work out, then yes, it could affect the friendship, so that’s something you’ would have to talk about and really consider.

Maybe it’s also worth reflecting on whether this friendship crush could be keeping you stuck in the past instead of moving on and dating other people.

Instead of reacting to criticism with defensiveness and shifting blame on to the other person, ask questions to understand concerns, acknowledge their feelings and take responsibility for your part, then focus on moving on.