Apocalypse review – the stupidity of these people will make you scream yourself hoarse

This ‘radical social experiment’, in which 14 strangers have to see if they could survive the end times, will make you fear for the future of both TV and humanity I have always assumed that my main use in the event of an apocalypse would be as protein.

Ideally, I’d have a few weeks of peace first, eating whatever was in my now defunct fridge and reading a few last books, before tough, athletic, practically skilled survivors found me and chopped me up for parts.

I’ve always been aware that I am built for mod cons, not dystopia.

But the new Channel 4 reality show – sorry, “radical social experiment” (give it UP, Channel 4, you’re racing as fast to the bottom as every other broadcaster) – Apocalypse has made me rethink my chances.

All I need to do, I now realise, is find an Australian cattle farmer and I’m golden.

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