You be the judge: should my partner stop eating off other people’s plates?

Helen says grabbing friends’ leftovers is a no-no. Bill thinks wasting food is wrong. You decide who should eat their words Find out how to get a disagreement settled or become a juror

I know Bill hates waste, but pouncing on people’s leftovers is embarrassing, unhygienic and rude

My partner, Bill, hates food waste and is passionate about sustainability and the environment. He says: “Thank you, chicken,” or “Thank you, duck,” before he eats, which I think is quite sweet.

But Bill’s ethos means he also takes food off other people’s plates, which is an issue for me, particularly in public. I don’t like the way he does it. He’ll wait until everyone’s finished and the waiter is clearing the plates. Then, at the last minute, he’ll grab something.

We live in Lisbon, and were recently having dinner with friends we hadn’t seen in a long time. The place was busy and the waitress was rushed off her feet. She came to clear our plates and Bill reached across to finish the duck breast our friends had ordered. He didn’t even say: “Have you finished with your duck?” I think that’s rude.

The waitress was trying to clear the table while Bill fished around eating the scraps. It felt inconsiderate to keep everyone waiting. If we’d been with his mum, I’d have made less of an issue of it, but with friends we rarely see I found it embarrassing.

This isn’t a one-off. At home, if friends are over, he’ll never let something go to waste. I’ve watched him remove mould off leftovers in our fridge and eat them, and he scrapes leftover rice off other people’s plates.

I care about the environment too. I don’t throw food away without thinking, but if something has gone off, I will. Bill is militant about what goes in the bin. Once, I threw away a melon rind and he took it out of the bin to eat the tiny bits of watermelon on it.

In Lisbon, people often share food when eating out. In a tapas situation, it’s fine to pick at leftovers as everyone is helping themselves. But to me it feels rude and unhygienic to take leftovers off someone else’s plate. Bill often eats far more than he actually wants, then complains about how full he is.

I know his intentions come from a good place. I’m not asking him to waste food. But if he’s going to ask for somebody’s leftovers, I wish he’d do it earlier rather than waiting until somebody is clearing the plates.

I worked in renewables and believe wasting food, especially meat, is wrong – why throw it away?

Some of Helen’s points have been taken out of context. It wasn’t really our friends’ duck dish, because it was a tapas-style meal. I was thinking: “We’re kind of sharing that.”

Normally, I’ll wait until everyone’s stopped eating and then ask: “Are you finished?” I just forgot. I was waiting for the moment to pounce on it. I can see it was more embarrassing for Helen because the whole table witnessed it. I don’t think the waitress was waiting long, certainly not more than a minute, but I appreciate that it was awkward.

I hate food waste. A few grains of rice or a bit of salad isn’t an issue, but I struggle with seeing meat wasted. I’m concerned about animal welfare and the fact that an animal has died.