'Help! My adult daughter is being horrible to me'

I’m a woman aged 42 and have a 21-year-old daughter with my ex-husband. I’ve always cut her a lot of slack because the divorce was rough on her, plus we were young when we had her and I’m sure made lots of mistakes in the early years.

However, she’s always been so loved and cherished by us both and we’ve worked hard to give her everything, which seems hasn’t been enough, as she’s turning into a bit of a horrible person.

She’s become very critical of me, making digs about my appearance, saying I’m “too old” to dress the way I do and it’s “embarrassing”. I’m also dating, or at least trying to, and she hates this too. She doesn’t seem to give her father the same stick, even though he’s moved on with someone else.

I still feel young and like I finally have the time for myself, but she’s making it hard. It’s getting to the stage where I’m afraid to tell her what I’m doing or to put make-up on when she’s coming over in case she has a go at me. Any ideas what’s behind this and what I can do? It’s making me miserable.

In my experience, my sons were much easier when I started dating; their view was always, “If Mum’s happy, we’re happy”. But my daughter Ciara was the tough nut to crack and would let me know how she felt.

Although your daughter is 21, there could be a bit of jealousy around a partner taking you away from her. Ciara and I have always been very close and did everything together, so I can see why a new man coming into that would feel threatening.

I think the only reason she’s lightened up is that she’s getting married next year and has child of her own, so that fear has left her now. I was still nervous of her meeting my partner Ryan, but when she told me she really liked him, I knew it would be OK.

So, this could be at the heart of why your daughter is being a bit horrible and making digs. She’s had you all to herself and now you’re becoming more independent, and she doesn’t want you enjoying yourself too much! But don’t let it affect your confidence – this is about her and not you.

I think you have to stand firm and not give in to it, but of course you can give her lots of reassurance that the choices you’re making aren’t going to change the relationship you have with her.

You mustn’t feel guilty – after so many years of raising your daughter and putting her first, you deserve some time for yourself and to enjoy your life.

Sleep is crucial to how we function and nothing else works as well as it should when we don’t rest properly. Have a routine, get to bed at the same time every night and make your bedroom a calm space. Start tonight.