I’ve Seen Evidence That My Relative’s Boyfriend Is a Monster. But There Is a Reason I Can’t Tell Her.

Good Job is Slate’s advice column on work. Have a workplace problem big or small? Send it to Laura Helmuth and Doree Shafrir here . (It’s anonymous!)

I work for a private company that provides support to various law enforcement agencies. Through my job, I’ve learned some disturbing information about a relative’s new boyfriend.

This relative is a single parent of a young child and has begun dating a man I happen to know is a target of an ongoing investigation for sexual crimes involving young children. He currently has no publicly available criminal record. I’m literally losing sleep over this. On the one hand, I am under heavy-duty confidentiality agreements, plus anything that alerts this man that the law is on to him could compromise the investigation. On the other hand, I don’t know how I would live with myself if my own little relative became his victim and I didn’t say anything for the sake of his potential conviction and my career. Advice?

Ugh, what a horrible situation all around. Unfortunately, you can’t say anything to your relative about this man, because it could jeopardize the investigation and possibly also put your own job at risk. But what you can do is make sure that she’s aware, generally, of best practices when it comes to romantic partners and her children. When my son was in preschool we had a woman come give a safety presentation, and she emphasized that one of the most dangerous people for young kids is a parent’s new partner. It’s so depressing, but it’s real. I’m not sure how close you are with this relative, but perhaps you could take her to lunch or coffee and just suss out how mindful she is about keeping her kids safe. I really hope that the relationship fizzles out before this even remotely becomes an issue, and/or the investigation is made public. I’ll be thinking of you and your relative and hoping for the best.

My friend “Carla” has this habit of asking what my plans are without telling me why she’s asking. While it’s annoying, I’ve thus far managed to navigate it with no issues. That is, until several months ago when she texted me on a Sunday asking if I was doing anything.