Other Parents Keep Giving Me the Stink Eye. This Really Isn’t Fair.

I am the mom of an awesome 4-year-old daughter who has some invisible disabilities. She is not a problem. But increasingly, I find that other parents are.

My daughter finds it hard to be out in public places (the grocery store, restaurants, etc.), but if she has her iPad with her, it really calms her down. So we always have the iPad with us. It’s always on silent, and she’s silent when watching it—maybe sometimes she’ll hum. Anyway, this all works for us, except that I am constantly getting judgmental looks from other parents.

Last night we were in a restaurant—it was very early and there were lots of other families there. My daughter was seated with us and silently watching her iPad. A toddler at the table behind us kept turning around to look at the iPad and and the mom was shooting daggers at me! I was so uncomfortable the entire meal. I felt like I should apologize. But again, the iPad was silent, it shouldn’t have been bothering them. (My daughter watches cartoons, nothing violent or inappropriate.) I did consider at one point if I should have moved my daughter to the other side of the table so the toddler couldn’t see her iPad even if he tried, but honestly moving her once she’s comfortable can be dicey, and I didn’t want to risk it. Did I do the right thing? How can I deal with being judged all the time?

You handled this latest restaurant visit perfectly and don’t think there’s anything else you should have done differently. You know your kid and how to parent her, and you’re doing a beautiful job. A silent iPad playing videos in public is totally fine and within the bounds of the social contract. (The fact that the iPad is on silent is huge here; broadcasting sound from phones and iPads is not within the bound of the social contract. Unless, obviously, the device is being used as an Augmentative and Adapted Communication [AAC] device.) As for how to deal with these judgmental parents, I encourage you to continue to ignore them and remind yourself that their kids also annoy other people in public sometimes—all kids do. And rest assured, if anyone wrote in complaining about another kid watching an iPad silently in a restaurant, I’d say, suck it up!

My wife “Jenny” has recently been diagnosed with cancer. Prognosis is cautiously hopeful, but the last few months have started me wondering if I should broach the long-ignored fact that my eldest (who is 15) maybe isn’t biologically mine.