My parents raised 6 kids on one salary. My husband and I can't afford one baby on 2.

The author and her husband can't afford to have a child.

Courtesy of the author My husband works as a physical therapist and has $100,000 in student loans.

I teach college courses through part-time jobs without maternity leave or benefits.

Our monthly expenses leave little room for the costs of having a child.

I always assumed I would have a big family , whether I wanted to or not.

My mother was one of 12, my father was one of seven, and I was the oldest of six.

I grew up stepping between bodies at crowded holiday gatherings and playing gigantic games of capture the flag with my aunts, uncles, and cousins.

It was fun growing up with a lot of playmates, but more importantly, childbearing was framed as an essential part of our conservative Catholic identity.

Motherhood was a sacrificial duty that would ensure my place in Heaven.

I never considered whether this was what I wanted because I was supposed to live according to God's plan rather than my own.

When I left the church, I thought I had gained the freedom to choose As I got older, that rhetoric made me feel trapped.

I married at 22 but put off childbearing in favor of graduate school and chasing my dream career, though it felt like I was on borrowed time.

When I finally left the Catholic Church in my late 20s, I suddenly had the freedom to ask myself what I wanted life to look like.

For the first time, I pictured my life childfree, imagining international vacations , friendships, and hobbies.