Martinis Are Not a Personality

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You know what they say about too much of a good thing: You can buy it on Temu. That’s where the iconic martini has found itself: a $1.45 martini pendant necklace , $18.60 martini-print pajamas , a $4.55 martini-emblazoned cosmetics case (prices at time of writing). If you’re a regular drinker, you’re probably aware the martini and its variations dominate bar menus these days, but have you noticed it has also become downright ubiquitous as merch? Merch that’s often the wearable equivalent of A.I. slop—and everyone is, in fact, wearing it?

Much of the martini’s appeal is in its aesthetic value and what is says about its drinker. As a devoted martini enthusiast, I think it’s a perfect drink for its simple ingredients and bracing flavor that always hits (when made well). Beyond that, its minimalism is sophisticated, its stemmed glass—traditional V-shape, coupe, or Nick & Nora—is elegance defined. It is eternal but also of a time, both historical and romanticized in fiction: James Bond, Dorothy Parker, Don Draper.

I could continue waxing poetic about the martini, but it seems everyone already knows. I mean everyone . On a recent flight, I clocked a martini-shaped hair clip, a martini tote bag, and a martini hoodie on different passengers as I made my way down the aisle. So many of these accessories are plenty cute, but the sheer volume of them at some point starts to ring strange. When did we as a society collectively decide, We martini, therefore we are?

In a late-August issue of the Mix, writer and author Alicia Kennedy contributed a guest essay called “The Martini Merch Deluge.” She unpacks the way that in the last few years, she’s become inundated with martini-themed gifts. It’s like when you tell your parents at 8 years old that you think ducks are pretty cool, and you proceed to spend the next three decades receiving stuffed ducks, duck figures, duck art, duck tees, duck hats, etc. from everyone you know. People love a gifting shortcut; the phenomenon isn’t new. But is there something strange about this fad revolving around an alcoholic drink instead of waterfowl?

To my mind, the martini merch explosion is the new wine mom-ification of giftable, wearable bric-a-brac. Some items are sweet, some are less so; some will appreciate them, some won’t.