My Son Betrayed His Wife. I Kind of Think I Should Take a Stand at the Holidays.

Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Submit it here .

I have six grown sons and two daughters—all married—and 15 grandchildren. We were all blindsided when our son, “Paul,” a father of three, decided he did not want to be married to his wife anymore. We love our daughter-in-law and hate watching her get hurt. None of our other kids agree with his decision, and we all have a difficult time being around him now. Paul would like to bring a new girlfriend around at family gatherings or holidays, which I am not ready for. But I also know he deserves his own life and shouldn’t have to answer to all of us. This has altered the family dynamics drastically, and none of us know how to act. Help!

You should have an honest conversation with your son about what you’ve shared with us here. Let him know that, while you respect his right to live his life, it has been difficult to cope with the change. I don’t know all the details of this breakup, but if Paul did anything untoward (such as hooking up with his new girlfriend before the split), you should call him out on it. Yes, it’s his life, but that doesn’t mean he can’t be held accountable for doing harm. It’s also OK to tell him that you aren’t ready to embrace a new partner yet. Considering that your family has a lot of children in it, I think it’s fair to wait until things have cooled before asking everyone to embrace a new “auntie.”

Beyond that, you don’t have to go out of your way to make Paul feel OK about his choices. He has to sleep in the bed he’s made. I’m not saying he should have stayed in an unhappy situation for life, but it sounds as though the timing of things has been perhaps a bit insensitive. And it makes sense that your family is grieving the relationship you once had with his ex-wife and feel bad that she’s suffered. Unless there is something terrible about her you haven’t shared, she is the mother of your grandchildren and should always be treated like family. You wouldn’t be betraying Paul by extending yourself to her and letting her know that you’re not happy about what has taken place.

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How long is enough time to hold on to a kid’s art, and when is it OK to start throwing things out? My kids each bring home three or four pictures or craft projects a day. I put the best drawings on the fridge and the rest go into a big folder. But the craft projects like painted egg boxes and clay sculptures are cluttering up everywhere. My son likes to go through all his art and look at it again. My daughter does that less, but I think she’ll still notice if I start getting rid of stuff.

Identify a small space in your home that you call “the Gallery” where you keep art projects that won’t fit in a book or on the fridge.