6 Signs Your Venting Is Straining Your Relationships

—Science Photo Library—Getty Images Twenty minutes ago, you called a friend to complain about something your boss said.

Since then, you’ve reconstructed his exact tone—don’t you hate it when someone says “interesting” like that?—supplied three years of relevant backstory, and pulled up six Slack messages that prove this wasn’t an isolated incident.

Your friend has contributed the occasional “ugh” and “wow.” You are nowhere near finished.

Sometimes, it just feels good to say the petty, uncharitable thing out loud to someone who won't forward it to HR.

A venting session can be validating, cathartic, and even productive if it helps you figure out your next steps.

“Venting is discrete,” says Jenny Martin, a psychologist and founder of Gemstone Wellness , a trauma-informed practice in Chicago.

“It has a beginning, a middle, and an end.” Read more: How to Tell If You’re Trauma Dumping or Just Venting But venting can also keep you stuck—not to mention, exhaust the person listening.

The distinction isn’t whether you complain, get worked up, or talk for a long time.

It’s whether the conversation eventually moves somewhere, and whether the other person still feels like a participant rather than an audience member trapped in the front row.

So how can you tell when blowing off steam has started straining your relationships? Therapists—who listen to people vent for a living—say there are a few consistent tells.

It’s a monologue, not a dialogue Genuine, healthy venting isn’t one-sided.

You talk; the other person asks a question, winces in solidarity, or says the same thing happened to them.

Maybe they offer a perspective you hadn’t considered.

Then you keep going from there. (There are, after all, far more exciting things to discuss, like the tacos and drinks you’ll be enjoying after work on Friday.) When venting starts straining a relationship, that dynamic changes.