You Must See Gwyneth Paltrow’s (Alleged and Apparent) Sam Altman Dinner Invitation

According to a report published by Puck last week, vagina egg merchant Gwyneth Paltrow will soon hold some sort of feast in honor of OpenAI CEO Sam Altman.

Matthew Belloni, Puck’s key reporter and founding partner, says he wants bloggers like me to be categorical when we say this alleged event is reportedly happening. Apparently. He even provided a scan of the supposed invite with a heraldic sun and twin doves, printed in blue ink on heavy art paper.

The invite is real enough for Paltrow herself to post weird parody replicas of it on Instagram featuring what I guess are joke VIPs such as M3GAN. Her post also says, “We’re serving swordfish burritos, cheddar foam lattes on request.” If anyone can confirm that these are jokes, and can explain them, please sound off in the comments.

The original invite reads like it was written by William Carlos Williams:

An actor-health guru-entrepreneur holding an event in honor of a controversial billionaire struck many online as intolerable behavior from an out-of-touch celebrity.