My Husband Was Always a Wonderful Gift-Giver. Now His Gifts Are Suspiciously … Off.

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I’m relatively anti-AI and abstain from using it in my personal life, though I do use it at work because I’ll be let go if I don’t. My husband is not an AI enthusiast, but he does use it in his day-to-day life. Would it be unreasonable to ask my husband to stop using AI to find or make gifts for me?

Last Christmas, my husband gifted me a book printed with pictures of us throughout our relationship (so sweet), but also AI-generated haikus (a bit cringe). For my birthday a few months ago, he got me some things that weren’t AI-generated, but it seemed like he landed on these gifts by typing my interests into ChatGPT and buying the top recommendations. It’s hard to describe why it felt that way because the gifts weren’t wildly off-base, but I don’t think anyone who has known me as long as he has would get these things for me.

I love him dearly, and this is really small potatoes, but it bothers me! He gave me such thoughtful, wonderful gifts pre-AI. I don’t want to come across as overbearing about gifts or judgmental about his personal AI usage. Asking for no more AI-generated poems or art seems pretty straightforward, but asking him not to use AI at all in the selection process seems like it could cross into overbearing territory. What are your thoughts?

I’ve mentioned my own disproportionate rage in the past about the use of AI when it’s used to compose a social media post and passed off as a person’s actual writing. My issue isn’t even all about the environmental harms of this technology . It’s that I get offended by the idea that people think they’re tricking their followers! But a recent experience slightly softened my judgment: I overheard a conversation about law firm associates using AI to conduct legal research and draft assignments. And I thought, “Oh, wow. That could have been me.”

When I was a young attorney who often felt out of my depth, afraid to ask questions, and even more scared to miss deadlines, I can imagine that I may have really seen the appeal of plugging the details of the matter I was working on into an LLM in hopes of getting a start on a daunting project. And then it hit me: Of course I have no empathy for people who use ChatGPT to write an Instagram caption, because I personally think writing an Instagram caption is easy. But maybe they find it hard! And when you are insecure about your ability to do a particular thing, that’s when AI becomes really appealing. I had to admit to myself that when I’ve dabbled in AI, it’s been for things like home decor ideas. And I did that because I truly don’t have an eye for design and felt unable to make decisions on my own. I’m not proud of it, but my awareness of my own shortcomings is definitely what sent me there.

I believe people are especially drawn to AI when they’re feeling dumb or lost about something. So I think your husband is turning to it because he feels dumb, lost, and not confident in his ability to express affection for you.