My Cousin Has a Really Twisted Idea of What a Godparent Is Supposed to Do. I Had to Quit.

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When my cousin Betty’s son was born a year ago, she asked me to be his godmother. I was surprised by this for two reasons: 1) She and I weren’t and still aren’t particularly close, so I figured I’d be the last person she’d ask for something so big, and 2) She’s not especially religious from my knowledge. I agreed to it more out of ignorance than a real desire, which was a huge mistake.

As it turned out, Betty didn’t really want a godparent as much as she did a free nanny, which was how she treated me in regards to her son. She’d either have me come over nearly every day to watch him when I wasn’t at work, or have me take him home so she could have some “downtime.” (She’s a housewife, by the way, AND has a maid, so it’s not as if she was overworked.)

I didn’t confront her about this at first because I thought she might’ve been going through postpartum depression, but given how energetic she was and how she never hesitated to pamper herself, I now suspect that was never the case. I get the feeling that Betty doesn’t have much interest in motherhood; from what I gathered from overheard conversations with friends and hints she dropped towards me, it was really her husband who wants kids. I recently told her that I will no longer be able to take care of her son, and she became furious.

She threatened to revoke my godparenthood, and I simply told her to do so. From what I’ve come to understand, you can’t really “fire” a godparent, and even if she could, I was never officiated as her son’s godparent; again, she’s not religious. This leads me to think that Betty either doesn’t understand a godparent’s role or she does and simply used the term to get free babysitting. Whatever the case, I have learned that she plans to ask someone else to take the title. I know this person just enough that I’m tempted to give them a head’s up about what to expect. If I do, though, they might tell Betty what I said. I’m not personally concerned about us falling out since we already have in a way, but aren’t sure how to deal with the drama. What should I do?

You’re exactly right about Betty finding a creative avenue to secure free childcare, and you did the right thing by stepping down. I don’t think you need to go out of your way to warn the new godparent though. It would be one thing if Betty had tried to snag your social security card and steal your identity when picking up her kid, but what she did was more rude and thoughtless than dangerous. And who knows, someone else might be fine with the arrangement. Godmother #2 will be able to decide for herself whether she wants to babysit at all, and when it becomes too much.

From: Help! My Friend Made Me a Godparent, Then Reneged When I Refused to Be a Nanny for Free. (September 4th, 2021).

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