My Fiancé and I Just Gave Our Wedding Guests One Simple Rule. People Are Losing Their Minds.

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My fiancé “Owen” and I are getting married in February. Both of us have personally witnessed the consequences of misbehaving children at weddings, and we have decided that ours will be child-free. Well, we might as well have dropped a nuclear bomb.

Apparently, this is very “selfish” of us. Owen’s sister (with two kids under 6) and my brother (whose kids are 2 and 4) are outraged, and both Owen’s parents and mine have been harping on how difficult it will be for our siblings to find childcare. Frustrated, we floated the idea of eloping—and they went off on how that was selfish, too, in that we’d be denying them a “proper” wedding. They are now saying that if we are going to “burden” our guests by not allowing them to bring their children, we should foot the bill for any ensuing childcare. That’s not in our budget. But neither of us is looking forward to spending the next six months under a nonstop barrage of complaints. Any suggestions?

This is your wedding. Elope if you want to (I did, and nearly 34 years later, I’m still happy I did), have a big (“proper”) wedding if you want one. I assume you and Owen are paying for the wedding? (Not that the parents would get to call all the shots if you weren’t—but I can certainly see how they’d feel a sense of ownership, and within their rights to try to persuade you to see it their way, if they’re the ones paying for it.) If you’re paying for the wedding yourself, and you want the wedding with all the trimmings as opposed to a quick private ceremony, tell the family you won’t be entertaining their complaints, period. Don’t pick up the phone when they call. They’ll get the message.

(If they threaten to boycott, you have two choices: Elope—and again, I can’t recommend that highly enough, especially when followed in the weeks or months after by a series of after-the-fact parties like the ones my husband’s and my friends and then my parents threw for us—or plan to have the wedding you’re presumably dreaming of without your families present. It can be done.)

But I can’t close without a plea of my own that you reconsider the no-children ruling. And in fact, I’m surprised that you and Owen don’t want your own nieces and/or nephews at your wedding. Are you absolutely sure about this? I’m not sure what you mean by the “consequences” of misbehaving children—or even what exactly you mean by mis behaving—but I’m well aware that many others share your sentiments. I just really and truly don’t understand why. Children are great. Generally speaking, they are way more fun than adults. If they’re loud or wild at the reception, so what? Who cares? You can always ask that one parent stay behind with the kids for the ceremony, if you really believe their children will “ruin” it. If they’re crying babies or toddlers, they can be carried off—from the ceremony or the reception—until they’ve quieted.

But, as noted at the start, it’s your wedding. Do what you want.