What to Say to Someone Blasting Their Phone in Public

—Photo-Illustration by TIME (Source Image: twomeows/Getty Images) There’s something uniquely irritating about being forced to listen to whatever a stranger has decided to watch on their phone.

Suddenly, the airport gate has a soundtrack—and it’s a tinny succession of TikToks, action scenes, and FaceTime chatter that no one else signed up for.

As Sammie Walker Herrera, a communication coach, puts it, you might be screaming internally: “When I said I listen to all kinds of music, I didn’t mean your music.” Still, it’s one thing to object internally—and another to ask the person to turn it down.

What if they get angry , ignore you, or turn up the volume out of spite? We asked etiquette and communication experts how to make the request without turning an annoying situation into an altercation.

First, decide whether you need to say anything at all Sometimes the easiest solution is simply to get out of earshot.

Nicole Del Valle Rose, an etiquette coach and founder of the Las Vegas consultancy Poised & Proper , says the most gracious response is often the least confrontational one.

“Etiquette isn’t about correcting every behavior that bothers us,” she says.

“It’s about choosing the response that creates the best outcome for everyone.” If there’s another table open at the coffee shop or plenty of room elsewhere in the train car, relocate.

You’ll solve the problem in seconds and spare both of you an awkward exchange.

Save the conversation for situations where you’re truly stuck, like on a plane, in a waiting room, or aboard a packed bus.

Talk about the sound—not the person It can be tempting to make sure the offender knows they’re being rude.

Resist the urge.

“You don’t want to immediately put this person on the defensive,” says Walker Herrera, who runs Speak Y’all , a communication coaching business.

“Frame how it’s impacting you, rather than that they’re doing something ‘wrong.’” Plus, you don’t know why their phone is so loud.