I spent decades pleasing everyone. Then cancer changed the equation.

The author, pictured with her husband, said she has been a lifelong people pleaser.

A cancer diagnosis gave her a crash course in setting boundaries.

Courtesy of Lynn Shattuck.

As a firstborn Gen-X daughter, people-pleasing was like a second skin to me.

Discovering I had chronic lymphoma forced me to set boundaries and maintain boundaries.

I've found that setting boundaries gets easier with practice, but requires vigilance.

The summer I turned 50, I was diagnosed with lymphoma .

While the type I have is considered to be very treatable, it's also considered chronic.

"You'll likely die with it, not of it," my oncologist told me.

The one-two punch of turning 50 and receiving a cancer diagnosis became a crash course on managing another chronic ailment that's long plagued me, people pleasing .

As a firstborn daughter , disappointing people I love has always felt physically painful to me.

When my son was a toddler, and I'd leave to go to a yoga class, he'd sob as we watched me through the window, his face scrunched up like he was being tortured.

I'd try to override the ache in my chest as I backed the car out of the driveway, reminding myself that my son was safe in my husband's care, and it was healthy for me to take a little time to nurture myself.

As my kids grew and I attended regular therapy, the silent, impossible expectations of myself that I hadn't realized I'd been carrying started to appear, like invisible ink being revealed.