My Pregnant Wife Has Given Me an Impossible Ultimatum. I Don’t Know How to Choose.

Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Submit it here .

Four years ago, my wife, “Sarah,” and I went through a separation while we attempted to resolve some differences. During that time, I hooked up with a woman who accidentally became pregnant. I didn’t find out until she was almost ready to have the baby. By then, Sarah and I had gotten back together. I have made an effort to be in my son’s life (child support and seeing him on weekends).

A month ago, Sarah learned that she is expecting twins. She has now demanded that I cease all contact with my son or she’s done with me. She has never been happy about his existence, and I have made sure never to bring him around to spare her feelings. But now I feel like I’m being put in an impossible position—either forget about my son or get a divorce. My son has a great relationship with his stepfather; in all honesty I think he’s closer to him than he is to me. Would the smart thing to do be to quietly fade out of his life so I can fully be in those of my upcoming kids?

You should stay in your son’s life. In fact, you might also consider bringing your son more into your life. It’s probably easier for your wife to suggest something so atrocious because she’s never met your son. Start by showing her pictures.

Sarah has really put you into an awful position here. Neither of the options you’ve been presented are reasonable: You either split from your wife and have limited contact with your new children or you have to hurt someone you love. (And no, it will not be better for your son to have you fade out of his life.) And all for what? To make her comfortable? What kind of selfish person treats children (born or unborn) as tools to control others? I suggest that Sarah seek professional help, and also that the two of you start couples therapy.

Explain to her that you want to stay together, but that abandoning a child is not the way to do it. I wouldn’t be surprised if you find out that she is still extremely upset with you and is looking to use this situation as some sort of revenge. Sarah needs to forgive you for what happened while you were on a break if the two of you are ever going to have a successful relationship. The sooner she realizes this, the better.

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My husband and I took our family to the beach last weekend, and I am outraged by something our 13-year-old son, “Simon,” did. Unbeknownst to him, I monitor his social media posts, and I was furious to find that he had taken and posted videos of women’s boobs and butts with his phone! I’ve taken away his phone and internet access aside from what he needs for school. My intention is for him to be grounded from his phone for a year and for his days on social media to be over until he is 16. My husband says I’m being much too harsh.