The Best Ways to Stop Yourself From Crying

—Photo-Illustration by TIME (Source Image: Anna Orlova via Canva) First your eyes start to burn.

Then your throat tightens and your face gets hot.

And then comes the realization that other people are watching you cry .

Tears rarely consult your calendar: They arrive during performance reviews, tough conversations , uncomfortable medical appointments, and other moments when you’d much rather schedule them for later, in private.

Fortunately, psychologists say there are ways to interrupt the process—or at least turn down the intensity—without pretending you’re fine.

“Even as a therapist , there are definitely times where you’re like, ‘OK, shoot, I need to keep it together,’” says Juliet Kuehnle, a therapist in Charlotte, N.C.

She calls that “adaptive suppression.” “It’s intentional, it’s short-term, it’s situational.” Crying isn’t entirely under your conscious control.

It involves a complex interplay of brain, bodily, and emotion-regulation processes —which helps explain why a stern internal “absolutely not” doesn’t reliably work.

Kuehnle describes crying as “a release valve for your nervous system .” “Crying is sort of your body’s permission to let go,” she says.

In one small lab study , women’s heart rates rose just before and as they began to cry, then quickly returned to baseline.

Their breathing slowed, too.

The findings suggest that crying can begin amid heightened arousal, then become part of the body’s shift back toward calm.

Here’s how to tamp down on your tears when they come at an inconvenient time.

Catch it at the first eye-sting Don’t wait until the tears are already rolling.