My Husband Is Experiencing Something New and Mysterious in Bed. The Aftermath Is Messy.

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How to Do It is Slate’s sex advice column. Have a question? Send it to Jessica and Rich here. It’s anonymous!

For the past three months, my husband has been having wet dreams at least two to three times per week. The only time he doesn’t have one is on nights where we’ve had sex. Because of my work schedule, having sex with on a nightly basis isn’t an option (nor would I have the energy). Short of making him wear adult diapers on off nights, is there a solution to this problem?

You may not be available for sex every night, but your husband’s hand is. On the nights that you don’t have sex, he should masturbate and see if that has any impact on the wet dreams. If he’s not having them the nights that you have sex, which presumably involves him ejaculating, he should ejaculate via his own means as a first step.

Failing that, a few other tactics to try include wearing heavier, more absorbent underwear to bed and potentially changing his sleep position. A 2012 study suggests an association between sleeping on one’s stomach and erotic dreams. Take it with a grain of salt (surely, it won’t be that way for everyone even if these findings were to be replicated, and I’m not sure that they have been, as it seems the same 2012 study is always cited when this subject comes up), but it’s worth a try if he’s a prone sleeper.

As these wet dreams are happening more frequently in adulthood, this may have something to do with hormonal changes . It doesn’t necessarily signal a cause for concern, but just to be safe, I’d get my bloodwork done if I were him to see if his body is trying to tell him a bigger story.

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My girlfriend cheated on me early in our relationship. Once I found out, she asked for forgiveness and asked to make things work. I appreciate that she has worked hard since then to earn back my trust, including giving me access to her phone messages and attending couples counseling.

We’re approaching the two-year mark since I found out. But I’m convinced that she hasn’t told me the full truth about what happened. I don’t want to dig up the past and reopen old wounds, but I also can’t accept the idea that she has not been completely honest with me. I don’t want to live a lie. Is it OK for me to press her to divulge the truth, or should I let bygones be bygones?

What do you seek to gain in a complete reveal of the full truth behind the cheating? Right now, you’re stuck on the idea that you are missing the whole story. I understand how that could be distracting and something that feels as though it could and should be relieved by a more thorough telling. But what if the details you’re lacking further upset you? What if instead of relief, there is deeper pain?

Your letter is too vague to convince me that you are living a lie.