I Surprised My Wife With a Romantic Weekend Away. Her Reaction Is Absolutely Baffling.

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My wife, “Carly,” is furious with me, and all because I tried to surprise her with a romantic gesture.

On Friday, I dropped our two kids, ages 3 and 6, off at my parents’ for what I told her was the evening so we could have dinner out. In reality I had booked us two plane tickets and a hotel reservation so we could go to wine country for the weekend (I cleared it with my parents first). Instead of being thrilled, Carly was furious. She made us bail on the reservations, pick up the kids, and then made me sleep in the guest room.

I truly don’t get why she’s so pissed off. Carly has been complaining for weeks about how stressed she is , and I thought a weekend without the kids would be the perfect way for her to recharge. Was I really so wrong for trying to do something nice for her?

It sounds like you need to talk to your wife more often if you thought she’d enjoy something like a spontaneous surprise trip. Have you two travelled without the kids yet? Is she comfortable being away from the little ones? Did she have something planned for them for the weekend? Had your parents ever watched the kids for that long? Your heart may have been in the right place, but even an elaborate gesture can be received poorly if it was not truly developed with the recipient in mind. I wonder if what she’s actually complaining about is a lack of consideration on your part, and not just for this one incident. Time away doesn’t always ease stress. In fact, even a brief trip can leave you even more stressed than before as things pile up in your absence. Ask your wife what she needs to feel less worn out and ask her how you can help her. Then do what she says.

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Several years ago, my daughter was inappropriately touched by her cousin at my mother-in-law’s house during a cousin sleepaway visit. Everything since has been handled as well as we can hope. My daughter has worked through it in counseling. My nephew owned his actions, apologized via letter, and has been going to therapy as well (we stopped short of pressing charges, which would have been a horrific ordeal for everyone). The cousin’s family moved several states away for a fresh start, but they still visit periodically. Holidays are very tough to navigate because all three of my kids have great relationship swith the other two kids in that family. Thanksgiving is coming up: my wife and I don’t know how to navigate being around their family, or asking them to keep their son away from Thanksgiving. He is in high school, and while I don’t ever want to see him again, I just don’t know how long we can (or should) avoid all contact.