The one change that worked: I was terrified of the dentist - until I found a very special one

After an agonising experience, I avoided checkups for four years. But a practice that assured a stress-free process for scared patients was transformative

I haven’t always been afraid of the dentist. If you had asked me a decade ago whether sitting in the dentist’s chair filled me with dread or made me break out in a cold sweat, I would have laughed and said no – what is there to be afraid of? It was only in 2021, after I had a filling without being properly numbed, that I understood why people are afraid of dental work. Despite telling him I was in excruciating pain, the dentist carried on with the procedure anyway, and I was left with a newfound and deep-seated fear.

At first, this was easily managed. I simply binned the reminders to book checkups, avoided their calls and carried on with my life. After a year, I told myself I’d see the dentist soon – just not yet. I firmly shoved the problem to the back of my mind.

However, as time passed, I began to feel a creeping sense of shame. I bristled each time a friend talked about a dentist visit, convinced that they could sense I had not been in several years. I kept my dentist-dodging a secret and became increasingly ashamed of myself – I felt weak and childlike, incapable of a normal adult responsibility. But no matter how hard I tried, I could not bring myself to go.

My avoidance came to a head one day in 2025. I noticed that whenever I ate something sweet, I had a sudden toothache. After a few weeks of panicking, I finally admitted my fears to a friend. They recommended a private practice in Shoreditch, London, that had helped them with dental anxiety. After reading its webpage, which assured a stress-free process for scared patients, I nervously booked an appointment.

When I arrived at the clinic a few days later, my hands were clammy and my forehead was covered in a sheen of cold sweat. By the time I went into my appointment, my legs felt like jelly. Before I even sat in the dentist’s chair, I launched into a confession that it had been four years since my last visit and how scared I was of another procedure going wrong.

Instead of telling me off, he immediately understood why I was afraid and reassured me that avoidance was a common response to bad dental work. He explained that his practice had a desensitisation process for anxious patients: instead of starting with invasive treatments, they begin with low-stress procedures, such as cleaning, to build confidence and restore my sense of safety. He also told me that if I ever felt pain during an appointment, he would stop immediately, and that I had nothing to be ashamed of – he was just glad that I had come for a checkup at all.

After examining my teeth, he said that the pain I felt was likely due to a buildup of plaque and I didn’t need a filling. I did need to have my wisdom teeth removed, but as promised, we would build up to that over a year or more to ensure I was comfortable and ready.

We decided to start with a hygienist session where I could pause the cleaning whenever I needed by raising my hand.