I grew up being afraid to make mistakes and show my emotions. I'm raising my children differently.

The author said she was raised with tough love, but is trying to do things differently with her kids, Courtesy of Alexis De Leaver.

I was raised thinking that my parents' love and approval depended on good behavior.

Determined to give my children a different upbringing, I'm focusing on connection instead of fear My goal isn't perfectly behaved children.

It's to raise kids who feel loved, safe, and respected.

Children should be seen, not heard.

Don't be rude, give grandma a hug and a kiss.

And at the top of the list, stop crying, or I'll give you something to cry about .

These were constant rules I lived by growing up.

Not that my parents were crazy strict, but they certainly lived by this tough love approach .

I grew up holding in emotions, afraid to make mistakes or voice my opinion in fear of being disrespectful.

I always believed this helped me to grow into the independent woman I had become.

I was always labeled as a good kid growing up.

I know that I spent a lot of time being unhappy, afraid, and thinking that I was only lovable, only good when I behaved, and when I was quiet.

This is what I don't want for my children.