Breastfeeding my baby made me feel intense rage. Learning there was a name for it helped me feel less alone.

The author felt rage while breastfeeding instead of closeness.

Photo Credit: JH Photography On paper, everything was going well with breastfeeding.

However, even with a good milk supply and a latching baby, I felt intense rage during sessions.

When I learned that there was a name for it, I realized I wasn't alone.

I had finally gotten the hang of breastfeeding: My milk had come in, I had a solid supply , and my baby was latching well.

On paper, everything seemed to be going smoothly.

But during nursing sessions, I wrestled with a nagging agitation I hadn't been prepared for.

Sometimes, during the final feed of the day, it bordered on rage.

"I don't know if I can do this anymore," I texted my husband one afternoon while he was at work.

"I feel like my skin is crawling.

I want to run through a wall." Though those feelings went away as soon as the nursing session was over, they kept returning during feeds more often than not.

Finding a name for what I was feeling helped me feel less alone When I brought this up to my doctor during a postpartum checkup , she seemed puzzled.

Eventually, Googling "breastfeeding rage" led me to accounts of "breastfeeding aversion" that sounded startlingly familiar.

One 2023 survey of more than 5,500 Australian women found that about one in five respondents had experienced this.