How to Tell If You’re Trauma Dumping or Just Venting

—Photo-Illustration by TIME (Source Images: Annet Debar (2), Swan222, Lettha Studio via Canva) You won’t find the term “trauma dumping” in a psychology textbook, but it’s gained popularity online to describe the act of unloading overwhelming feelings onto someone else without their consent.

It’s like an extended, one-sided version of venting, says Cheryl Groskopf, an anxiety and trauma therapist in Los Angeles.

It’s also treated as one of the worst social sins you can commit—which can make people afraid to talk about their grief , trauma, or anything else too painful to package neatly.

Yet social support is one way people cope with hard experiences.

Conversations about tough topics don’t have to be concise, comfortable, or perfectly balanced to be healthy.

“It’s not about not talking about problems,” says Stephanie Mahalec, a therapist in Los Angeles.

“Talking about problems is a very important part of relationships.

It’s just how you talk about it.” Here’s how to tell when trauma dumping might be reaching unhealthy levels in a friendship or relationship, according to therapists—and how to repair.

There’s no room for the other person to set a boundary Asking whether someone has time to listen is considerate.

It can be as simple as: “Do you have a minute? Can I vent about something?” Dr.

Hans Watson, a psychiatrist in South Jordan, Utah, recommends taking into account the time, place, and audience.

Is this a workable moment? Is this an appropriate setting? Is this someone you ordinarily talk to about personal things? With some relationships, that understanding is already in place.

If you and a close friend routinely call each other when life falls apart, you probably don’t need to renegotiate the terms every time.

And if you forget to ask permission during an especially painful moment, that alone does not make the conversation a trauma dump.