Why Is Everyone Avoiding the Biggest Issue Facing Voters?

Hush! I must hear! It’s an election year, I am a voter, and I need to know the president’s answers to the most pressing questions facing America today: How upholstered are the chairs in the Rose Garden ? Is the helipad at the White House any good? How are things progressing with the ballroom? And is the golf course going to be ready soon? No, do not ask about affordability.

That is a made-up word .

I could not care less about the price of eggs! What am I, a hen? My concerns are more basic.

I demand to hear: HOW IS THE HELIPAD? AND IS THAT GOLF COURSE IN EAST POTOMAC PARK BEING DEVELOPED TO THE HIGHEST STANDARDS OF GOLF, TURNING THAT TRASH ISLAND INTO AN ISLAND OF BEAUTY AND SUCCESS? I was up late last night.

I looked at my bills.

Pretty high—but that just means the economy is booming.

Still, it was hard to rest.

I walked down the hall and looked at my sleeping children.

How long could we hope to survive, knowing that at this very moment, in Washington, D.C., a judge is preventing East Potomac Park from becoming one of the world’s great golf courses, instead just letting it lie there, old, tired, beaten up, and useless ? My children say, “Father, Father! When will we be able to afford hamburger?” And I say, “How can you talk about hamburger when you know that Trash Island still needs to be developed to the highest levels and standards of golf?” And they say, “Do you even play golf?” And I say, “ Silence! ” They don’t have their priorities straight.

But I’m glad we have a president who does.

The other day, I was at the gas pump.

I hate going to the gas pump, because the numbers there are so high, which I know is a deliberate distraction from the real problems Americans face: the hazardous , dangerous trees on East Potomac Golf Links.

No one is safe from those trees.

After that, I stopped by a restaurant and ate some salad.