I tripped up in my bid for a fun job at a wine shop. It was the question about chardonnay

You may have heard this one before. It goes a little something like: “No one wants to work anymore.” It’s a post-pandemic cliche, born from the belief that people – especially young people – grew too comfortable on JobSeeker and JobKeeper and became lazy, and miraculously allergic to the workplace.

I was on JobKeeper during lockdown – I had been working at a high-end fashion store that was, shockingly, not considered essential work. Where on Earth would people buy their $500 sneakers! JobKeeper was fantastic. I spent my days playing video games, going for socially distanced walks and rewatching the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

Those days are over. We are once again expected to perform our jobs in these weird buildings designed specifically for work called offices. They’re truly bizarre. Personally, I preferred working in the same space where I played FIFA and constantly forgot to put away my laundry.

A few weeks ago, I decided it was time to get a job. Being an arts student, I certainly didn’t mean one in my field as those are about as rare as Bigfoot. Studying full-time, I was just looking for a casual position. Something breezy, low commitment and, ultimately, fun. Reading that back, I realise I sound less like a guy looking for a job and more like a divorcee describing his ideal relationship.

I found a job advertised at a bottle shop on Brunswick Street. Perfect.

It wasn’t a Liquorland or BWS, but a family-owned establishment. You know the ones. With the moody lighting, dark walls and little handwritten tags referencing “hints of blueberry” or “subtle minerality” as if anyone has the slightest idea of what that means.

I strutted to this interview. I have spent many years in sales. How hard can selling wine be? How often do people leave bottle shops empty-handed?

The interviewer was not there to make friends. I don’t recall if she even asked for my name. After sitting down, she asked me, and I quote, “Can you name the type of grape that goes into a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc?”

Naturally, I started repeating the question aloud as if that would summon some sort of divine intervention. After a few minutes, we moved on to a worse question:

INTERVIEWER: What would you suggest for a customer who wants a chardonnay but doesn’t want a bottle of chardonnay?

Suffice to say, my class on contemporary dance did not cover this one. I took a stab in the dark, and said that I would recommend a riesling, but apparently this was incorrect. I must’ve missed that lecture.

After another couple of questions, I said, “Look, let’s be completely honest. This interview isn’t going anywhere. I’m not going to get this job, you’re not going to hire me. Let’s just call it.”

She responded, “I agree. I actually think you have a little way to go with your wine knowledge.”

Walking home from my latest humiliation ritual, I couldn’t help but wonder why no one wants to put the effort into training people nowadays? Employers want people who can hit the ground running, as if they themselves never had a first day. The problem is less that nobody wants to work any more, and more that nobody wants to train anyone any more.