How to Recover From an Embarrassing Faux Pas

—Photo-Illustration by TIME (Source Image: monkeybusinessimages/Getty Images) Lizzie Post still remembers the time she walked into a party and an acquaintance greeted her with exciting news: “You had a baby!” “Nope,” Post said.

“You got engaged!” Nope again.

“You got married!” “I’m going to the bar,” Post replied.

Post, co-president of the Emily Post Institute and Emily Post’s great-great-granddaughter, knew the woman meant well.

She had apparently heard that something momentous had happened—it hadn’t—and cycled through three incorrect milestones trying to identify it.

Fortunately, she eventually stopped guessing: a relief for everyone involved.

Life is full of faux pas, but even when you’re the one making it, you can dig your way out of social quicksand most of the time.

Here’s what psychologists and etiquette experts suggest saying, plus when to stop talking.

First, take your foot out of your mouth Your immediate reaction after saying something you regret might be to turn fire-truck red.

Then comes the urge to reach for the very thing that got you into trouble in the first place: more words.

People often try to explain, defend, or excuse their misfired remark, says Karina Schumann, a social psychologist and associate professor at the University of Pittsburgh who studies apologies and conflict resolution.

The instinct is self-protective: They’re frantically trying to repair their image in the other person’s eyes.

“What actual repair looks like is to shift the attention to the other person,” Schumann says.

“Put aside this very strong need that you have to repair your self-image, and instead think: ‘If I were on the receiving end of this, what would I need to hear?’” Pause, acknowledge the impact of what you said, and take responsibility.